Soul Mates Not Obsessed
How To Tell A Soulmate From An Obsessive Attachment
There are a raft of differences between Soul Mates and objects of obsessive love, the latter being far more common than the former. We can shed some light on the question of which is which by examining some of the characteristics of genuine soul mates.
Let’s start with a definition of the soul mate. Based on his 30 years of research using past life regression hypnosis, Dr. Michael Newton has found that each soul has one or more companion souls with whom they connect at the eternal level that we refer to as the soul mate. His research subjects revealed in deep trance hypnosis details of periods between lifetimes when we each work with our spirit guides (guardian souls) and what can best be described as a council of more advanced souls or Elders to examine what progress we’ve made in the most recent physical incarnation. Most of the ‘time’ between incarnations is spent working with members of our ‘soul group’ – souls who were created at roughly the same time – and it is from this group that our soul mates come - if and when we are ready for such relationships. And therein lies the catch. Our souls must undergo thousands or even millions of incarnations to reach the point of sufficient maturity to be capable of the soul mate relationship. Our soul mate will very likely be a member of our soul group from the get-go but we may not recognize each other until later in the process of soul growth.
Soul Mates Not Obsessed
For those of us who have not had the experience of meeting a soul mate in this lifetime, we can trust that there is a reason that this is so. Amongst others, it could be that we are not at the soul mate stage of development yet but it could also be that we have reached a level of development where we are working on other aspects of our souls in this lifetime and chose to be born at a time and place different from our soul mate’s.
What we don’t need to worry about is ‘losing each other’. We may go through many lifetimes in which our soul mate plays a different role than a love interest or life partner. This can be difficult for us to deal with when we are in the physical state. Choosing to be incarnated on this planet is the result of the need to advance by meeting the challenges inherent in being part spirit and part physical being. The physical/emotional side of us knows at some level that we are missing our soul mate and sometimes the desire to find him or her overwhelms our original intention to deal with other matters than those of the soul mate relationship. It may even be that we opted not to encounter him or her so that we can learn to love in other ways, to develop compassion as opposed to passionate attachment.
Intensity Can Be Deceiving
What characterizes the soul mate relationship is a deep sense of knowing that translates into complete trust as opposed to the uncertainty and constant need for reassurance that characterises the obsessive attachment so well dramatised in the film Fatal Attraction. When we encounter a soul mate we sense that we are with someone who is so far advanced as a soul that we can trust in them completely. CAUTION: I am not referring to wishful thinking here! There is always a nagging sense of insecurity present when we try to force ourselves to trust in someone. That is always a mistake. At some level we can feel that we are gambling – even if we are in denial about it. The most common mistake we make is confusing infatuation with recognition of a soul mate. In other words, we make mistakes when we are in ‘lust’ rather than in love. Usually we will recognize our mistake when the desire for the other remains purely physical or we lose interest after a few weeks or months. These pseudo-soul mate attachments are based more on our narcissistic needs to be adored, protected, cared for 24/7, be accepted unconditionally, etc. In other words, we fall into obsessive attachments from a place of emotional desperation to be loved as in Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction.There is a test for such a situation: if you feel any anxiety in the presence of this person, a sense of danger or risk, he is not likely to be your soul mate. And finally, the desire to be absorbed into the love object is the real ‘tell’ when someone is obsessed. If you are so desperate that you would rather die to yourself in order to merge completely with the person you ‘love’, run as fast as your can rather than surrender your soul because that is what you are doing when you want to be completely absorbed by another! This is a highly seductive state of emotional intoxication and it can lead to very painful and long term consequences. This is obsession, not love.
The Unavailable Soul Mate
Sometimes one of the challenges of a lifetime is NOT to spend it with our soul mate. In these cases, there is a danger of becoming obsessively attached to the unavailable soul mate. One of the reasons you want so desperately to be with this person is that you sense that it cannot be and you are struggling to assert your will rather than accepting reality. Learning how to deal with reality without surrendering our souls is our primary challenge in physical incarnations. When we encounter someone who has been our soul mate in the past but is not free in the current life, it may be that we need to learn how to love more deeply by letting go and trusting that the two of you are eternally linked and will be re-united at some point in the future rather than trying to force circumstances in the present. In the meantime, you both have other things you have agreed to work on and doing so will help bring you together again in the afterlife in a bliss you can never know in the physical state. Same Time Next Year is the story of one couple’s creative solution to the dilemma of having to spend their lives apart despite being deeply loving soul mates. They honour their prior commitments by spending only one weeked a year together supporting each other through crises as time goes on. In the end, their soul mate bond is even stronger.
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